Archive for May, 2009

Who Am I?

I thought of this song as I was praying in the car.  Who am I that God would even hear our prayers or our calls?  A sister shared this with me, Genesis 3:9 – God calls out to us, He wants a relationship with us, He comes after us even when we were hiding behind the trees, too ashamed to see His face.


p.s. this is not the original Casting Crown performance but I reckon it is a great video – it illustrates the song so well!


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I am quoting from a Neil Anderson devotional today, featured on Crosswalk.com on May 15.  As I read it, I begin to understand that is what I am going through, and have been through, most part of my journey.  Simply put it is the doing-Christian and not the living-Christian.  It is a way that leads to increased frustration and confusion, often ending up in doubts and disbelief.  Build the foundation, before stacking on the bricks – doing-Christian risks a wobbly building while living-Christian may take a long while to build the house, it is something that lasts through to eternity.One problem with Christian maturity is trying to base spiritual growth on practical sections of the Scriptures and spending too little time internalizing the doctrinal sections. Each of Paul’s letters tends to fall into two major parts. The first part is generally doctrinal, such as Romans 1-8, Ephesians 1-3, Colossians 1-2, etc. These sections reveal what we need to know about God, ourselves, sin and salvation. The second half of each letter is the practical section: Romans 12-15, Ephesians 4-6, Colossians 3-4, etc. These passages describe what we need to do to live out our faith in daily experience.

In our zeal to correct the problems in our lives–doubt, temptation, satanic attack, conflict in families, friendships and churches which are falling apart–we jump to the practical instructions of God’s Word. We want a quick fix, a rule or instruction which we can apply like a Band-Aid to make things better.

Perhaps you have already discovered that a Band-Aid approach to daily living doesn’t work. Why not? Because when you don’t understand the truth pertaining to your position in Christ, you have no ground for success in the practical arena. How can you rejoice in hope and persevere in tribulation (Romans 12:12) without the confidence of knowing you have been justified by faith and have peace with God through the Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 5:1)?

When your basic belief system about God and yourself is shaky, your day-to-day behavior system will be shaky. But when your belief system is intact and your relationship with God is based on truth, you’ll have very little trouble working out the practical aspects of daily Christianity. Show me someone who knows who they are in Christ and who is filled with the Holy Spirit, as taught in the first half of the Epistles, and I will show you someone who will instinctively live according to the second half of the Epistles. It will be the “natural” thing to do.

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Had one of those mornings today, “this is it.  I can’t do it.  Let’s just leave it.”

But the voice came back saying, “no, not quite yet.  Today is not the day to call it quits.”

Alright…  Guess we’re back to the wheel again – well, God at the wheel and me at the passenger seat.  Or better still, it’s me in the boot really coz I can’t see where we’re heading.

Lord, O Lord, help me to sit still and know that You are at the wheel, not me.  I don’t know where to steer, and the best thing now is to stop driving altogether and get down on my knees to pray for wisdom and discernment.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”  Psalm 46:1

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I prayed and asked God this,

“Why God, are you not healing my relationships?  You are the creator of relationships, they make you tick.  You are the one who longs for relationships – you reached out to us and gave us your one and only son so that we are not condemned – you must have a major in relationship.  Why are you not healing the relationships in my life?  Why?  Does it not grieve you, what I am going through?”

“Because, my girl, I want you to be restored to me first.  When you are strong enough in me, all the relationships you build around you will fall in their rightful places.”

Yes, God.

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I’ve prayed “Lord, I know you are in control.  I surrender my control over to You,” but often it is not second nature to me.  I also often question what exactly is handing over the control to God. 

Others told me that it means not worrying about circumstances which bothers me, knowing that God is in control and I can’t do anything about it.  Yea, I can live with that.  But is there more to it?

Today I realize that one of the things I do not surrender my control over to the Lord is when I do not speak out loud what God wants me to do or say.  When I know for sure this is God’s words but I do not speak it outright – I put my own rationale to the words before I open my mouth (or better still I shut up altogether!).  Even when I do say what God has placed in my heart, I fear the consequences.  Something else that signifies that I am holding on to control rather than handing it over is when I feed (and rely) on the lies in my head – that’s giving the control over to my head rather than to God.

Lord, help me to rely on You, my thoughts especially.  I ask for discernment so that I speak truly Your words, because they are blessings You have for others.  Let me be an instrument useful for You, let the gunk that fill me be cleaned out so that the channel is clear for Your works.  Amen.

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