Archive for June, 2010

Heard this on the radio and somehow fell in love with the melody.

What wonderful advice on fear – there is no fear in love, God’s love covers all, it’s bigger than our fears.  I recall so many times when I thought I have it altogether.  The picture is nothing short of perfect, the sky is nothing but clear and blue.  All of a sudden fear enter the picture and whatever that was perfect and clear and blue would be engulfed by the biggest doubt ever.  Past failures, disappointments, tears would swallow me up.

The lyrics is encouraging – a message of “go back to basic”.  At the beginning there is a loving God.  He is with us, from the beginning of time till the end of earth, and into eternity.  For love alone He created us, came to us, redeemed us.


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Thursday 17 June

Oh God, today I really feel convicted about what I’ve done yesterday.  I knew it is never good to gossip, but I am surrounded by it.  Somehow I often land myself in situations where others would voluntarily pass on news to me, or share their “knowledge” with me in the office.  Perhaps because I am usually the last to know about the happenings and these colleagues find great pride in “showing off” their wealth of knowledge before me.

Well, yesterday I happened to have learnt of something and I felt compelled to share it with a friend at work.  Frankly, it is a piece of totally useless information, something that doesn’t encourage or build another up.  Yep, I was the one who initiated the news and passing on of the information, I contributed to an office gossip.  This is a classic example of “I couldn’t help myself” Paul often wrote about.

This morning I was reminded of this sin and I confessed.  Lord, I repent of this.  Not because it is a “bad” action and I should refrain from it, but because your words have taught me to refrain for Your sake.  James 3:10-11 say that one cannot be full of praises and curse at the same time – I was set apart for God’s kingdom and to do His good works!  God’s vessel cannot be “contaminated” and yet still carrying clean, thirst-quenching water.

Lord Father, thank you for your saving grace and mercy.  Your beauty lies in Your rod and staff – You convict but do not condemn, You forgive and offer us life.  Amen.

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Forrest Gump

You know, I have not watched Forrest Gump, the movie.  It is such a well-known movie, winning so many awards and stuff, but I have not watched it.  So I got it on loan from the local library, just to find out what I’m missing out on.  The verdict?  I like it, I really like it.

For one thing, Forrest is such a simple but honest character.  With grace, lots of it.  He stick to his gun, follow instruction and authority, and love unconditionally.  He’s out of this world, basically!

I really like the bits when he would start running whenever his childhood sweetheart tells him to, “run, Forrest, run!” and he would take off like a rocket.  He’s naive, but he does exactly what he was told because he believed in all these people.  No wonder Jesus loves the children and says that the children belongs to the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 19:14).  They are like little sheep, following their shepard without any doubt.  That’s what Forrest is like.

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The Bad News – our lives are filled with sins.  Full-stop.

The Good News – God forgives and train believers to have His heart – a heart of repentance and not of guilt; a heart of renewal and not of condemnation.

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Saturday 5 June

Lord, I am a sinner.  The good news is that You love sinners, that’s why You have sent us Your one and only son. 

Lord, I am a sinner.  The good news is that You love sinners, Jesus was here to fellowship with sinners.

Lord, I am a sinner.  But fear not, I’ve got You by my side.

Thank you, Lord, for hating sins but loving sinners.

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Today’s Girlfriends in God devotion talks about the true heart of worship being coming before God in pure honesty, likened to the woman who dropped by Simon Peter’s house to meet Jesus in the book of Luke – without hiding or pretense.  This is how we can experience the true worship and fellowship with God. 

I think much of my problem stems from the fact that I lead a 2-face life – a life with pretense which rapidly eats away the truth which is before God.  In the “real” world, one is required to be strong, confident, knowledgeable; this is the “pretense” life I live at work.  Even when I do not fully understand the job, I will stay quiet and try to figure it out, so that I do not look dumb infront of others.  Even when I am weak and burnt out I will not resist change, so that I look resilient and strong before my superior.  And the list of pretense goes on.

In the Bible I am taught that I am limited while God is unlimited.  In the “real” world I try to be the unlimited figure, because that’s what the world has taught us to be.  How can one live the 2-face life and not have the pretense erode the truth?  Well, the answer is NO.

So, I come before God without true humility – God, I am a sinner, but that’s all because of so-and-so or such-and-such.  Hullo… who am I trying to fool here??? 

God, thank you for letting me know about my pretense –  I live in this pretense and I am fooled into thinking I have it all in all aspects of my life.  I am a sinner, full-stop.  I need Your mercy and grace, full-stop.  I want to come before You first in humility acknowledging my short, and then I will be able to walk in this world in true humility You have taught me without feeling inadequate.  I want to enter the true heart of worship; and I want to live a life of worship because all my days are Yours.  Amen.

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I moved to another section last week and has been at this job for about a week now.  This is a new section where I have absolutely no experience.  Interesting looking over the shoulder of my staff learning what she does and how it relates to my new task.  Very different to my old work style – picking up the phone and knowing exactly how to answer queries, sitting in (or even running) a meeting knowing exactly what the outcome should be.  Basically, I have been coming to work in the mornings feeling dumb and useless for a week now, where I was the guru in my field just a week back.  Hmm…. it was harder to swallow than I had first imagined.  When I was offered this transfer I thought I could make a difference and it can’t be that difficult.  Well, 1 week into the new job and I’m still in the dark….  I did for a moment thought why did I land myself in such “vulnerability”?

This is like my ongoing journey with God – I’d like to be in the know, in the lead.  I want to be in the drive knowing exactly what’s around the bend.  Don’t really wanna learn new stuff or be in a  new puddle not knowing what is in store.  Reading the procedural document (a.k.a. the Bible) is out of question – I like reading but…. perhaps a fiction book would be more palatable.  Basically, it is a challenge to be out of the comfort zone.

On the other hand I realised the beauty of this “out of comfort zone” experience – I’m actually growing my knowledge and expertise in a new area (exploring new gifts with God), my experience in the previous job was actually value-adding to this new task (building on old learnings to new Godly challenges); but most importantly, it is quite okay to look dumb and fiddly (well, this is how much I have prayed for “humility”, isn’t it????).  You know, I don’t have to be in the “right” ALL the time!  Well, I have to say that the bonus is I can leave work on time, not feeling pressured to put in the extra hours – that’s work-life-balance!

Yea, God can (and should) take the lead sometimes 🙂

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