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Archive for January, 2016

First chuch service in a little while and we walked up to this worship piece – divine, simply divine.  How did they know how my week has been, to have the lyrics soothing my heart???

https://youtu.be/pnGivhxS4v4

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It’s been suggested to me to jot down thoughts along our ART (Assisted Reproduction Technology) journey, perhaps to help others in some way.  I don’t know if it helps but given this is the conclusion of our final attempt, it’s now or never.

I am not very good at expressing my feelings, and I think that perhaps confuses me.  This 6th and final outcome hasn’t been succesful but I’m lost for words as to how I feel.  Do I feel:
Angry?  Not sure, ‘angry’ is a dirty word and I don’t particularly like that feeling.  I don’t think so…
Beaten and Defeated?  Defintely
Disappointed and disheartened?  Yes
Lost?  Yes
Sad?  Beyond words
Self-blame?  Yeap
Teary?  No…. Maybe…. A little?
Tired?  Somewhat
Useless?  Yes
Questions?  HEAPS!

I don’t know why it did not happen for us, did God really meant for us to be parents, to pro-create?  ?  Am I too old for children?
Maybe I hadn’t prayed enough?  Not enough faith?
Where to from here?  Do we re-adjust our lives?  Perhaps start to learn a new hobby to take my mind off the self pity path?
How and what do I tell the kind souls who’ve been praying for us?  Don’t really want to deal with heartfelt sympathy/empathy….

I think one of my biggest question is how is God glorified in unanswered prayers???  You hear wonderful testimonies of successes, revivals, healings…. ever heard someone sharing a heartache and go “praise the Lord, hallelujah!”  I haven’t?!
What does the Bible say about this?  Let me think…
Mary’s and Martha’s request for Jesus to come heal Lazarus the moment he fell ill – we know Jesus delayed his visit, on purpose, so that people could witness God’s resurrecting power (Matthew 11:14-15).
Paul’s thorn – that’s definitely not healed, many times over, and Paul knows the reason: so that God’s power is made stronger (2 Corinthians 12:8-9).
Jesus asking God to take the cross from him – you and I know the reason that wasn’t granted is because of us, so we may have eternity in God’s new heaven and earth!

So, from me to you, if you’re asking the same questions about God, know this:
God is real, He knows what you’re going thru.  He feels your hurt, but He’s bigger than this hurt.
There’s a reason for unanswered prayers but we may only find out when we come face to face with the Lord (unless He chooses to reveal here on earth, for His glory).
God is our good shepherd, He is all-knowing and He leads us to the good pasture He has planned for us.  Along the way, He provides all that’s needed; so make it our desire to get closer to God everyday.  He made us and knows us and He has a plan for us.  This journey to “the promise land” is easier with Him by our side.

What God revealed to hub when he was praying sums it up beautifully, “be still, know that I’m God.”  Hope this has been an encouragement, God bless you.

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Awesome, a word so overused nowadays.  You can say “that’s awesome!” between mouthful of salted caramel chocolate brownie, and you can describe a 3-year-old’s attempt at a portrait of you as “awesome”.  No, they’re ok, you’re far from having committed a crime….

But this really is something awesome, God who’s stuck to His end of the deal regardless of what you and I had done.  Pastor’s pondering today on 2 Timothy 1:12 challenged me, what do I believe in, and why? 

I’m in my bible reading journey now and dabbling in the prophets’ books.  The key theme running through the prophesies of Amos, Jonah, Hosea…, is God’s faithfulness (vs human’s faithlessness).  I don’t understand why God continues to deliver His promise; like one who longs for the embrace of the wondering spouse; like a parent waiting for the return of the prodigal son.  No human is capable of this grace as human rules/contracts would have nullify any “commitment” left binding the relationships.  But not in God’s rule book.  He continues, hurt and disappointed but unperturbed, and waits for our response.  That’s the God I believe in – the unchangeable, everlasting, faithful and graceful God.  Awesome 🙂

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One of today’s reading is from 2 Kings 16:10-18, it’s about King Ahaz.  Judah has pledged its loyalty with Assyria supposedly to save Judah from Israeli and Syrian invasion. At a visit to his new allies, King Ahaz was so impressed with the Assyrian god’s altar he had to have his priest replicate one in Jerusalem for his worship! Furthermore, in verses 17 and 18, we’re told that King Ahaz desecrated the temple “because of the king of Assyria”.  I thought to myself, what a terrible king!

On second thought, don’t I do the same, in my own life?  King Ahaz valued Assyrian protection above God’s, thus the need to please and honour the Assyrian king.  Do I think as highly of God’s protection, or do I rely on something else, thus forsaking God in the process of pleasing my ‘idol’?  When  someone talks about occults, how do I respond?  Am I concerned about others’ rejection of me thus staying silent, or would I voice my objection to it?  Sad to admit, I have an Ahaz in me – fear of rejection, losing face, embarrassment, being made a fool – these are what I think would make my footing firm; but alas, they are built on sand and not rock!

Thank you for God’s revelation and reminder, and His grace to forgive when I sincerely ask and repent.  Help me God, to throw away the Ahaz in me, as it does not please you.  Amen.

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Whenever there’s a weakness in me to do something to God’s glory, I will ask God for strength and resolute, so that it may be done by God’s grace.  This is wisdom of the day, thank you Lord.

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