Archive for December, 2016

Never been a fan of new year resolution.

But perhaps THE year to start. To change some false beliefs.

1. I can change.  I am within my control.

2.  There’s nothing wrong with conflicts. Don’t need to avoid it like a plague, and definitely not to be stressed when it isn’t within my control.

3.  Admit there’s no value in arguments.  No one needs to be right all the time.  And can’t be, for that matter.

4.  Don’t sweat over none value-adding stuff.  Arguing being one of them.

5.  Write more blog posts.

Let’s see how I go.  Happy new year to all.


Read Full Post »

2016 Dec 30

I’m sorry, there’s too much history in there.  Too much reminding of the past, of my mistakes, which I wish I could forget.  Too much blames going on.  Too much wrong I cannot forgive myself for.  I’d like to get away from it all, but I can’t, the past keeps coming back to haunt me.  

How does one heal from the past, I’d like to know, when there’s no running away? They say Jesus can, which I do not doubt but just how do I allow Him to heal?  I thought many times that I had gotten over the past, but how wrong was I!!!

God, I need healing, please heal me.  I don’t know how to submit, I know that’s the way to healing, but I don’t know how to do that.  Help me.  Amen.

Read Full Post »

After reading posts on her struggle with ED (see www.beautybeyondbones.com), I realied that with any sort of disorders, it attacks by eating you away; physically or emotionally or spiritually.

For the last week thoughts of worthlessness crept back.  I can’t recall what had triggered it, but probably to do with me allowing thoughts of hatred into my head.  Maybe that had let the guard down.

Once the thoughts are in, the fear paralyses you that you would lock yourself out from others; and that’s the trick, isolation.  The devil works beautifully when you have no one around to keep you accountable.  If nothing else, it encourages you to focus on yourself – I’m feeling depressed, I’ve been treated unfairly, I’m the victim, there’s no one to love me – the list of thoughts continue and fear kicks in.

That’s why one can be trapped in this state for long period of time.  Without will power to come out from this state, you can indulge in your negative thoughts as long as you wish.  It’s horrible and lonely to be there, but you are well deceived by now you’d think there’s no other way.

But there is.  Talk to a friend.  Open up.  Write a blog post.  Just take a breath and be brave.  Walk out of it.

Read Full Post »

2016 Dec 27

How to live?  Do I live by God or by man?

DH mentioned about it’s impossible to be living by any other means except by God.  I am not so sure if I’m at the same place as him.  I don’t think I’m in a space where I say I live by God.  A lot of things I do, I think I live by human standard and my own effort.  I am not sure if I know how to live by God.  

When I’m in trouble, I pray to Him.  Honest though, I’m not sure if I actually believe or submit my situation to Him.  I still believe in myself more than in Him. I don’t know how to depend on God.

Scary eh?

Lord, your words say that I can be disbelieving, but more importantly, if I confess my disbelief, you’d help me.  Please help me, I don’t know how to live.  This is like when I first knew you, I was fearful of what is to come.  I didn’t know if I can handle it.  Thank you for reminding me of the day I had accepted you into my life, because I so need to know, to not backtrack.  Amen.

Read Full Post »

2016 Dec 20

Oh Lord, forgive me, I think I am always right, always has the right and best answer; forever impatient with others when they are slow.  Lord I wonder if you feel the same about me?  If you do, I don’t feel it….

Help me to be more patient, more understanding and more tolerant, if that is your will for me; if that’s what stopping me from doing your will.  Thank you for listening to my prayers, amen.

Read Full Post »

You would have heard “do not worry” umpteen times, or may be a frequent giver of such “advice” to friends and family.  Often I don’t receive such comments well, especially when my emotion is so overwhelmed and I would shut down completely when I hear such statement.  I would love to learn how to NOT worry…. I hate to think worrying mean my faith is weak, or doesn’t it?

Needless to say, I have an unstoppable mind, like all good women 🙂  I discovered recently how the busyness of my mind works – as soon as I see the lingering dark clouds, for example, I’d start to plan in my head what not to wear when I go out in a moment, or to remember to uncover the pool, or to…. you get the drift, it doesn’t stop.  

Only in the last couple of days could I suddenly relate to the phrase “stop and smell the roses”.  Rather than enjoying and rejoicing over the cooler temperatures from the lingering dark clouds, my mind starts to manage what to expect next and how to respond to those events.  Yes, God gave us wisdom to decipher and manage situations, but it’s not ALL the time (as was in my case)!  It’s no wonder I am so exhausted by the end of each day, as my mind would have gone thru double /triple or even quadruple the number of events that had taken place during the day!

I don’t know if I can break this habit, but if this is God’s lesson for me then I shall.  I think essence is to give thanks and remember God in all situation, that’s the “quick fix”.  So instead of tumbling minds, I would turn my head to “smell the roses” and thank God for them!  

(unless it’s a wild boar running after me, I would need to start running for my life!)

Thank you Lord for the revelation and your wise words.  Amen.

Read Full Post »

My bible devotion recently has fallen by the wayside – I confess it’s not the first thing I do in the morning; neither is it something I do when I return home from work.  It is something I get into just before I drift to sleep…. yes, not very much of a devotion to our Lord and Saviour.

So this morning I tried to meditate on the Lord’s words.  I struggled for words, to say to the Lord, coz I’ve been away for so long!  Not giving up, I thought of the Lord’s prayer. All good…. then I came to the last verse, “for the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours, now and forever,”

I learnt recently that it’s good to quieten down on a daily basis, step back from the daily grind and reflect on what I’ve achieved.  For a Christian, this is not dissimilar to personal devotion time with our Lord.  Difference being it’s not about what I have achieved, but what the Lord has done today.  This last verse of the Lord’s prayer shows me that His work is not finished today/yesterday/tomorrow, but goes into eternity; no point reflecting on what I have done as our effort is only temporary and short-lived!

Lord, as I go out from here, teach me to look at all that you’ve done; instead of focusing on what I want to achieve; I want to see your kingdom, power and glory in my daily reflection.  Amen.

Read Full Post »