Archive for the ‘Life at home’ Category

My mother has disowned me.

Yes.  Disregarded my phone calls, ignored my social media post.

It feels weird and surreal, but I know I’ve brought this upon myself – I did something children shouldn’t do to elders.  As a result, I’ve got to live with the consequence.

This got me thinking, is this how separation from God feels like?  When God sees sins, He turns His face away.  We cannot look into God’s eyes because we know our sin, how dirty we are.  

No matter how good we may be in other areas of our lives – and we’d strive to do well in many other things to fill this inadequate feeling – it doesn’t take away the void of God’s doting.

I believe God uses everything in our lives, even our sins, to teach us about Himself.  So I pray that the hurt I’ve brought upon mum will heal; and this heartache will not be in vain – that I learn my lesson in life and God.  amen.


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A recent Girlfriends in God daily devotion talks about being prayerful is one of the roles of wives, one of the ways women become helpers of our husbands.  I remember learning about this before I knew my husband and fervently praying to be my husband’s helper during our courtship.  This spirit seemed to have left me though pretty soon after we decided to get married – the hussle and bussle of the wedding, setting up a new home, finally getting married, settled in together… – life overtook me, I guess.

Into our 3rd year of marriage, I began to realize the importance of this.  The union of man and wife is such a powerful block, “two is better than one” it says in the Bible.  When I am not a helper, I am a burden to my husband; when I put my need and desire before God’s and my husband’s, we do not work as a “power-bloc” – God’s glory does not live in us.  That means we are prone to Satan’s destructive hands.  This is typical of many moments in our marriage – lack of communications, doubts and self-willed prevailed.  I want a marriage which shines and is pleasing to God, so as I read this devotion I took note of the suggested prayer points for husbands:

(excerpts from Girlfriends in God daily devotion on 17 February 2009)

Dear Lord, I pray for my husband, from head to toe.

  • His Head –That he will look to You as Lord of his life. (1 Corinthians 11:3)  
  • His Mind — That he will have the mind of Christ and think as the Holy Spirit would lead him and not the flesh. (1 Corinthians 2:16)  
  • His Eyes –That You will keep his eyes from temptation and that he will turn his eyes from sin. (Matthew 6:13, Mark 9:47)  
  • His Ears — That he will hear Your still small voice instructing him. (1 Kings 19:12, Psalm 32:8)  
  • His Mouth — That his words will be pleasing to You. (Proverbs 19:1)  
  • His Neck — That he will humble himself before You and be strong, courageous, and careful to do everything written in Your Word so that he will be prosperous and successful. (James 4:10, Joshua 1:8-9)  
  • His Heart — That he will love and trust You with his whole heart. (Deuteronomy 6:5, Proverbs 3:5)  
  • His Arms — That You will be his strength. (Psalm 73:26)  
  • His Hands — That he will enjoy the work of his hands and see it as a gift from You. (Ecclesiastes 3:13, 5:19)  
  • His Feet — That You will order his steps and that he will walk in Your truth. (Proverbs 4:25, Psalm 26:3)

May God make wives prayer warriors for our husbands, so that they will be out there being warriors for God.  Amen.

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Trust is most fragile in a relationship, but it is also the most vital.  Without it, people cannot build a meaningful relationship together.  This is especially important in marriages, because God intends that a man and woman have a deep and lasting relationship together as husband and wife; a union that is likened to one we share with the Lord.

How do we re-build trust, especially after hurt has taken place?  How can one be healed?

The first step is to know what is blocking me from rebuilding the trust, put it down in a statement.  “I find it difficult to trust him because…”  Ask yourself if this is true or a lie.  This is vital because if it is a lie and we continue to feed on it, Satan would use it to bound us and tie us to the pain.  The remedy?  God’s truth, only this can replace the lie, cover it and not let it raise its ugly head.  Just like Jesus’ redemption for our sins – His blood washes away our transgression and we are free!

My experience in testing for truth vs. lie: the feeling test.  Us women fall for feelings a lot – if it feels this way, it’s probably true.  Wrong!  The prophet Jeremiah wrote in Jer 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?”  Ask God for wisdom and it shall be revealed to you.

The next step is to renounce the lie which Satan has ingrained in your mind.  It is a little like confession – to release the grasp this lie has in your life and mind.  What I often find useful is to use God’s truth on top of the renouncing, because His words are sharper than any double-edged sword and it will deal with any lie.

I pray that this helps anyone who struggles with trust as much as I do.  Hurts and the demand for justice often blocks this process for me; I forget that no one is righteous and that God is the only fair judge.  One day, when I am with Him in eternity, I too will be a fair judge; but for now, I shall lie in wait for Him….

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This week’s “lesson” is on differences.  I realized that my week-long struggle is with the fact that I live and deal with people who are different from me; and I do not cope with differences very well.  As far as I remember, I have always struggled with being different from the rest of the people – when I say “the rest of the people”, they can be anyone around me at a particular situation.  So when I’m with my classmates, I don’t feel comfortable being the odd-one-out.  That means I’d think about what I say, if I think it’s going to be different from the rest of my peer I’d think twice about opening my mouth.

So when the family got together this week I found it a little difficult to adjust.  What should I say in this situation?  Would I offend anyone by saying this?  It was a real challenge.  To make matters worse, I also began to feel awkward when others say or do something that’s outside the norm; I would begin to feel embarrassed, as if I had done it myself.

This morning I began to question it myself – why?  Why do I feel so out-of-place with differences?  How does God take it, I wonder?  But you know, God is the one who created differences – each one of us is created different!  He is the one who created all the different animals – birds in the sky, fish in the water, animals on the land.  So who am I to complain?

God, thank you for the differences.  Help me to love and accept the differences.  Help me to live out my difference, because you have allowed me to be so.  Amen.

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New interest

We bought a second-hand keyboard from a junk yard.  I started to learn the piano when I was 6 years old, I think.  After I heard a cousin playing “Fur Elise” on her piano I bugged my parents to buy me a piano and send me to lessons.  That only went on for “3 minutes heat”, I soon lost interest after I learnt that playing the piano means more examinations and practicing of the notes.  So when I left home at the age of 12, that was a valid excuse to give up this “hobby” I no longer love.  I only got through my grade 3 examination on the piano by then and it wasn’t very impressive.  And the sad thing is I wasn’t bright enough to learn “Fur Elise”.

Today when I picked up the song sheets for the keyboard those memories of sitting before the piano came back to me, but this time I have a mischievous smile on me.  No longer will I play and learn for examinations and grade assessment, but it is really for my interest.  I can learn to play the tunes I like – perhaps not “Fur Elise” – at the time I like.  I would play for a little after dinner and it relaxes me.  The little I remember from grade 3 piano has helped me to read the notes (I still call them “beansprouts”) and so I could still manage a few tunes.

The aim now is to learn to play a Christmas carol by Christmas, so there’s exactly 1 month to learn and practise.  My husband is on this adventure with me, he is to learn “Silent Night” while I’m learning “The First Noel” 🙂

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