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My mother has disowned me.

Yes.  Disregarded my phone calls, ignored my social media post.

It feels weird and surreal, but I know I’ve brought this upon myself – I did something children shouldn’t do to elders.  As a result, I’ve got to live with the consequence.

This got me thinking, is this how separation from God feels like?  When God sees sins, He turns His face away.  We cannot look into God’s eyes because we know our sin, how dirty we are.  

No matter how good we may be in other areas of our lives – and we’d strive to do well in many other things to fill this inadequate feeling – it doesn’t take away the void of God’s doting.

I believe God uses everything in our lives, even our sins, to teach us about Himself.  So I pray that the hurt I’ve brought upon mum will heal; and this heartache will not be in vain – that I learn my lesson in life and God.  amen.

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It’s leading up to Chrismas.  Last Sunday’s sermon was about Jesus’s mission, per God’s instruction and design, not man’s.   Today’s devotion too reminded me the goodness of God’s salvation plan – to reconcile men to God.  How more wonderful can that get?  Why were the Israelites dissatisfied with that?

Today I think I can feel a little bit of how the Israelites might have felt around Jesus’s crucifixion.  They had been suppressed, ruled over, walked over even; for an awfully long time.  Justice isn’t there, the memory of a great Israel nation is long forgotten by all.  They want a king, a ruler who would bring that glory back.

Today I too want Jesus to come out as the (my) super power, trample those unjust people and fly that flag of glory over the spoil – move over, you horrible peoples!!!

But God’s got a different plan.  His dream of a kingdom is grand-er – the entire world, not just Israel.  His timing is different – not here and now.  His justice is different – He gives men a chance to repent, to win them all – while the Israelites call for others to perish, so that they may be lifted high.

Sometimes it’s really hard to submit to God’s plan and purpose, coz I think I know better.  But I don’t.  How can I when I’m only a speck.  So, revelation of the day, move over, me, so that He may thrive abd do His wonders.

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2017 Sep 27

​Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
2 Corinthians 3:17 KJV

http://bible.com/1/2co.3.17.KJV

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Whatever human tries to do, it is inspired by nature, created by God.  We don’t create or start anything new, our ideas are from God.

Think flying.  Where do you think that had come from?  Birds.  Yes, who had created the birds?

Ever seen a flick of inflight birds?  I see them today, and they look awfully alike to the wonder fireworks try to depict. 

The next time I praise human hands, let me look to my Creator.

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2017 Jan 19

God clothes the lilies of the field, and they are sure more than just a pretty face….

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Never been a fan of new year resolution.

But perhaps THE year to start. To change some false beliefs.

1. I can change.  I am within my control.

2.  There’s nothing wrong with conflicts. Don’t need to avoid it like a plague, and definitely not to be stressed when it isn’t within my control.

3.  Admit there’s no value in arguments.  No one needs to be right all the time.  And can’t be, for that matter.

4.  Don’t sweat over none value-adding stuff.  Arguing being one of them.

5.  Write more blog posts.

Let’s see how I go.  Happy new year to all.

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After reading posts on her struggle with ED (see www.beautybeyondbones.com), I realied that with any sort of disorders, it attacks by eating you away; physically or emotionally or spiritually.

For the last week thoughts of worthlessness crept back.  I can’t recall what had triggered it, but probably to do with me allowing thoughts of hatred into my head.  Maybe that had let the guard down.

Once the thoughts are in, the fear paralyses you that you would lock yourself out from others; and that’s the trick, isolation.  The devil works beautifully when you have no one around to keep you accountable.  If nothing else, it encourages you to focus on yourself – I’m feeling depressed, I’ve been treated unfairly, I’m the victim, there’s no one to love me – the list of thoughts continue and fear kicks in.

That’s why one can be trapped in this state for long period of time.  Without will power to come out from this state, you can indulge in your negative thoughts as long as you wish.  It’s horrible and lonely to be there, but you are well deceived by now you’d think there’s no other way.

But there is.  Talk to a friend.  Open up.  Write a blog post.  Just take a breath and be brave.  Walk out of it.

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